The Greatest Love Story Of The Century
by Allocin
Summary: Minerva has a secret love, and it lives at the bottom of the lake. Crackfic.


Title: The Greatest Love Story Of The Century, As Told By Me, The Greatest Writer Of The Century  
Author: The Greatest Wri ... oh, okay, Allocin.  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Please, for the love of God, don't sue me for this travesty.  
A/N: Written for Shabzilla. May God have mercy on my soul.

* * *

Minerva slipped out under cover of darkness, black cloack against black sky thick with stars. All the castle was silent, sleep settled over it like a heavy blanket. Frosted grass crunching underfoot, she hurried down the slope to the water's edge, and gazed into its inky depths as though searching for the answer to all life's problems.

"Are you there?" she whispered, breath misting in front of her face. Just hearing the thick quiet shatter sent a warm thrill through her body. All at once she felt like a young teen again, new to love and the joys of passion. Even after fifty years, she was still awed by the strength of their love.

A ripple broke the perfect stillness of the lake, undulating outwards till the tiny waves broke at her feet. Smiling to herself, she knelt and dipped her fingers in the icy water. Magic prevented the cold from affecting her. Eagerly, she watched as more waves rippled outwards. Then, out of the darkness, rising with all the grace and desterity of its kind, rose one enormous tentacle reaching long and straight into the sky.

Minerva gasped at the sight, her eyes alight and heart pounding wildly. Even after all these years, she couldn't help the small twinge of anxiety that one day the squid wouldn't come for her. But it had come today, and that was all that mattered.

It glided langoriously towards the bank, slick skin shining in the starlight. "You came," Minerva sighed, and reached out to gently stroke the proferred tentacle. "I missed you." The sound of dripping water tinkled in the night as it stroked her cheek. She didn't care that her clothes were soaked and her flesh chilled. The squid was touching her again, after so long an absence. Their love was secret, and half the pleasure was in the pining. Of course, the other half was in coming together again.

They stayed that way for a long time, exchanging soft caresses as they drank in the company of each other. "It's such a beautiful night," Minerva sighed. "I wish we could stay here forever." The quid shifted, sloshing water to and fro. "Do you remember when we first met? It wa a night like this, and you swept me off my feet." Minerva laughed quietly to herself, knowing in her heart that - though the squid couldn't talk - it felt the same way.

One tentacle wrapped tenderly about her shoulders, and the next thing Minerva knew, she was wheeling through the chilly air, a delighted giggle tumbling from her lips. "And now quite literally!" she crid. The squid obliged, carving sharp lines and neat spirals through the water, Minerva held high above with arms stretched like wings. Though the squid could make no sounds of enjoyment, it splashed its other tentacles as it spun, an aquatic dance both elegant and charming. Minerva could feel herself falling in love all over again.

Eventually Minerva was returned to shore, cold and damp but gloriously happy. They watched the sunrise together, hand and tentacle entwined, until the birds began to trill and Minerva knew it was time for them to part ways once more. Heart heavy with grief, she turned to the squid.

"It's time for me to go, my love," she murmured quietly. Unbidden, tears slipped from her eyes. The squid, wielding its tentacle delicately, wiped it away. Minerva was left with slime and lake water over her face, but she smiled tremulously anyway. "Don't forget me," she said, as she did every time. The squid patted her twice on the head, then submerged itself back into the blue abyss.

Minerva trudged back to the castle, wiping her face with a handkerchief to preserve the precious slime given to her. But there was someone waiting for her at the door, an assault of brightly-coloured robes in the dim light of early morning.

"Headmaster," she greeted, tone wary. He nodded to her, but continued to look out over the grounds.

"I didn't know you swung that way," he commented lightly as she passed. Shoulders tensing, she turned back to him.

"What way is that, Albus?" she asked defensively. If he even I mentioned /I the word 'species' she was going to teach him a few new hexes.

"I mean to say," Dumbledore said blithely, "that I didn't know you were homosexual. A lesbian. Gay."

She blinked at him. "What?"

"The squid, contrary to popular belief, is not male," he said. Minerva's mouth made a little o shape. She had to admit to herself, that made an awful lot of sense. Sometimes the squid could be moody and unpredictable, sometimes overly sentimental. But no matter. She and the squid had a love that transcended all physical boundaries. Gender wasn't going to change anything.

"Not that it's any of your concern, Headmaster, but the squid is my only love. Good day." With that, she bustled off to have a shower, and brace herself for the coming lonely months.


End file.
